With the holiday season coming up, it is a time to connect with those we care about through fun events and celebrations. While there is generally a lot to look forward to during the most wonderful time of the year, it is really easy to also find ourselves with a never-ending to-do list. While you want to have fun and enjoy the holidays, you recognize that pesky stress is rearing its ugly head.

 As someone living with a chronic illness, you know all-too-well that adding any extra stress onto your plate can be really challenging.

See my other blog post where I talk about the impact of stress on physical and mental health here.

It’s important to know that you do not have to sacrifice your wellness for the sake of celebrations and social connection. It’s all about balance. Let’s learn more about holiday stress and the ways you can mindfully reduce its impact on you so you can have fun without putting your health and well-being on the back burner.

Where Does Holiday Stress Come From?

Busy Schedules

While we all feel stress during our daily lives, the holidays can offer a unique set of challenges to the mix. During this time, we tend to have more invitations to participate in: gatherings, spiritual or religious commitments, school programs, and traditions. As our schedules become more hectic, we can find that we have less time for rest and the routines—like our sleep and exercise schedules—that keep us healthy.

Sugar, Junk Food, and Alcohol Overload

If you have ever attended a festive gathering, you know that one of the best parts of it is the food! From your aunt’s world-famous sugar cookies, to those little sausages wrapped in bacon on a stick, the abundance of decadent and delicious foods is limitless!

As someone who may live with pain or other discomfort associated with your illness, you work hard to keep your diet in check. Harvard Medical School (2019) found, “Consuming too much added sugar can raise blood pressure and increase chronic inflammation,” (Harvard Medical School, 2019). Over-indulgence of sugary sweets can lead to an exacerbation of the pain or other symptoms you work hard to keep in control. While indulging in your favorite treats in moderation is ok, it’s critical to keep up with the diet your doctor and dietician have prescribed for you.

Alcohol can often be present at gatherings as well. Alcohol has been linked to many impacts on our health—and sleep is no exception! Not only does alcohol impact the quality of sleep you get, it impacts energy, inflammation, and overall mental focus and function. This can even be at low amounts of consumption and varies from person-to-person.

Pacheco and Singh (2020) cited alcohol consumption and its impact on sleep, “Low amounts of alcohol (fewer than two servings per day for men or one serving per day for women) decreased sleep quality by 9.3%. Moderate amounts of alcohol (two servings per day for men or one serving per day for women) decreased sleep quality by 24%. High amounts of alcohol (more than two servings per day for men or one serving per day for women) decreased sleep quality by 39.2%,” (Pacheco & Singh, 2020).

            During the holidays—and always, we need as much rest as we can possibly get. What we consume really does impact that!

            In addition to the impacts on our sleep cycles, alcohol can also impact our mood. While alcohol can increase relaxation and the mood in the moment, the effects of those cocktails we drink the day after our office’s holiday party can actually increase feelings of depression and anxiety.

According to Otap (2019), “The thing is though, that while alcohol gives a boost to your serotonin and dopamine levels, the next morning you will feel deficient in these same chemicals, which may lead to you feeling blue or down. In the long run, an excess of alcohol might cause long-term lower levels of serotonin causing depression and anxiety.

While you were drinking, your body was on a mission to bring back down the levels of GABA and get the levels of glutamate back up. The day after, when you have stopped drinking, you’ll therefore end up with lower GABA levels and higher glutamate levels than usual. This is also what can cause a feeling of anxiety the day after drinking,” (Otap, 2019).

            If you are living with Chronic Kidney Disease, the impacts of alcohol on your body are concerning. Davita Dialysis talks about the impacts of alcohol on the body, “When it comes to drinking alcohol, moderation is the key. Drinking too much alcohol—even for a completely healthy person—can cause heart disease, liver disease, high blood pressure and kidney disease, in addition to many other medical problems. Drinking too much alcohol can also impair judgment—and this could interfere with decision making related to remembering to take medicines and following fluid and diet guidelines,” (Davita.com, 2021).

            In addition to the lack of sleep you probably got the night before, your pounding headache, dehydration, and those feel-good brain chemicals being zapped from the body, it can make taking care of yourself much harder.

Change in Weather

Depending on where you live, the weather can get cold, blustery, and gloomy during the holidays. This can lead to less time spent in your favorite outdoor spaces, fewer opportunities to access sunshine and fresh air, challenges with travel, increased depression and anxiety, decreased connection to others, and increased pain and other physical symptoms.

 

Tough Family Dynamics

Family. We all have one. While we have love for them, that doesn’t always mean that spending time with them is a stress-free experience. In family relationships, we recognize that there may be certain people that it’s tough to be around—and the holidays are no exception.

The uncle who argues about politics.

The cousin who shows up and eats all the food, makes messes, and doesn’t help clean or cook.

The aunt who asks you again when you are going to buy into her MLM products.

While we may be really excited to catch up with our family and celebrate together, being around challenging family dynamics and energy can be really draining.

 Perfection & Comparison

            We are surrounded by those picture-perfect images online of our friends who are dressed in matching PJs, making cookies, in their clean and cozy-looking home. We tend to compare ourselves with others and look at what they are doing and what we aren’t. So, we push and push and push ourselves to give out the same image of perfection—while also operating out of a place of shame.

Health & Illness Challenges

          Just because the holidays are here, it doesn’t make your health and illness magically go away until it’s all over. In fact, since we tend to be in over-drive and being pulled in many directions, our bodies can be run ragged very quickly. This can become challenging as you are being invited to participate in festivities and have a never-ending to-do list that needs to get done.

            The holidays also mean that the flu season is upon us! This may make us more prone to getting sick—and staying sick longer. In my blog post “The Importance of Treating the Invisible Parts of Illness”, I talk about the unique stressors people living with chronic conditions face throughout the year that can exacerbated during the holiday season. For more information, check that out here.


Living Far Away from Social Support

          There are many of us who do not live in the same location as our loved ones for a variety of reasons. It can be difficult to not be in the physical presence of our loved ones and we can feel lonely or like we are missing out. During the holidays, it can also become challenging for people whose loved ones may have died, as this can be a painful reminder that they are gone and need to adjust traditions and celebrations accordingly.
 

Over-Spending

            The holidays are a time where we give gifts, prepare feasts, travel, make donations to local charities or organizations. While each of these things are wonderful, they can often come with a hefty price tag. The newest “must-have” gift your loved one wants can persuade you into buying items that you aren’t able to afford. Many people go into deep debt over the holidays. According to Ruhle (2020), “[…] the average American racked up $1,230 in debt during the holidays and 48 million are still paying it off,” (Ruhle, 2020). By the time the holidays are over, it’s apparent that the amount of money we spend can wreak havoc on our wallets and mental state.

What is Mindfulness?

          There are a number of definitions for mindfulness out there, but they all equate to roughly the same thing. According to the American Psychological Association (APA.org, 2012), mindfulness is, “[…] a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment. In this sense, mindfulness is a state and not a trait,” (APA.org, 2012). Simply put: Mindfulness is paying attention to what is happening in the current moment from a curious, compassionate observer’s perspective.

There is tons of data out there that supports the connection between mindfulness and overall improved health. You don’t have to be a Zen master or have access to a cave where you meditate for 12 hours a day to practice mindfulness. It can be as simple as bringing our awareness back to the body, the breath, and what we are experiencing in the present moment.

            You may hear people say, “I’m so stressed”, and “I shouldn’t have eaten all of those cupcakes”, and “I really need to run more”. All these statements are filled with of stories of shame, guilt, and inadequacy that don’t really do much for us other than make us feel terrible. When we practice mindfulness, it allows us to slow down and truly pay attention to the messages we are telling ourselves, our choices and behaviors, and how we feel in our bodies.

            If I say, “I’m so stressed”, but do not stop and figure out what that feels like or what that actually means, I can spiral into shame stories all day about how lazy I feel, what I’m doing wrong, feeling resentment for over-committing myself, and putting blame elsewhere on what’s making me stressed. Without this information, I can’t check in with my body, take responsibility for my actions, give myself some compassion, and choose my decisions with intention. Instead, I stay on autopilot and nothing changes.

            When it comes to living with a chronic condition and juggling the stress of the holidays, it may be common that you go to autopilot, too. As a human, you already possess the ability to practice mindfulness. You may just need some tools and practice to hone it!

How Can We Mindfully Manage Our Stress During the Holidays?

#1 Manage & Prioritize Your Time

There are always going to be wonderful events to say “Yes!” to. You may feel pressured to attend them all, but that is not feasible. When you say “Yes” to something, that means that you must say “No” to something else. We only have so many hours in the day and so much energy to give. You can’t burn the candle at both ends and not expect to burnout at some point. The holidays are definitely a time where burnout can reach chaotic levels really quickly.

When you are invited to participate in a gathering or tradition, take the time to think it over before responding.

You can say something like, “That sounds great! Let me check my calendar and with the family and I’ll get back to you. When do you need an answer by?”

If you have already agreed to attend, but realize that you have too much going on, it’s perfectly ok to change your mind. While your loved one might be disappointed, it’s not your responsibility to manage their emotions. That’s their responsibility! Your responsibility is to ensure that you have enough time and energy to care for your own personal needs. It’s also your responsibility to communicate that with your loved ones, even though it may be uncomfortable for a moment. The cost of not doing this can lead to burnout, resentment, and feeling pulled in too many directions to really, truly enjoy anything.

For this situation, you can say, “I know that I had agreed to attend and appreciate the invitation, but my schedule has gotten really full and I need to make sure that I’m taking care of myself. I’m not going to be able to make it. Thanks again for the invitation and I hope everyone has a great time!”

You don’t need to apologize because you aren’t doing anything wrong. You also don’t need to explain yourself to others because you are honoring yourself and your own needs—and you don’t need permission from anyone to take care of yourself.

Take the time to sit down and write out your schedule. Look at all of your must-dos and non-negotiables and spaces where you need down time first. After that, consider what space you have left for the extras and which of these will be the most important or enjoyable for you to attend.

Remember: Saying “No” is a complete sentence!
Also try to remember who in your support system is available to help with checking stuff off your list. The holiday season is a team sport (yay sports)!

#2 Stick To Your Diet

Again, moderation is key. Stick with the plan prescribed by your medical professionals so you aren’t having to reinvent the wheel when you’re facing multiple events with deliciousness!

Before going to an event, try to eat a meal or snack that will keep you satisfied. You can also bring a snack with you to have on hand! This way, you aren’t showing up starving and can make better food choices.

You can even make a dish that you know you will be able to eat. For folks with dietary restrictions, this is a great way to ensure that you can have options that work for you and don’t compromise your health!

If you find yourself at the dessert table and everything seems to be calling your name, try to pick out one or two items that you know you can’t live without (hello pumpkin pie!).

If brownies are your thing, try to swap them out for a healthier alternative that still tastes great. Jen Hernandez, Registered Dietician and Owner of Plant-Powered Kidneys, sent me this awesome recipe by the Minimalist Baker for Vegan and Gluten-Free Black Bean Brownies!

Remember to extend yourself some kindness and grace if you slip up. When that happens, check in with yourself and do what you need to in order to get back on track. Working with a Registered Dietician like Jen is a great way to help you manage that!

#3 Limit Alcohol Consumption

As noted above, there are a number of challenges that can arise when we consume alcohol.

Be sure to check in with your healthcare team on the impacts of alcohol consumption on your specific health needs. They can help you with determining whether alcohol in moderation is acceptable for you and what a treatment plan would look like.

 If you’re hosting a party, you can always request everyone bring their own drinks—or you can even request that no one bring alcohol at all.  

If you’re attending a party and are trying to limit or avoid alcohol, bring a water bottle or cup with you that you can point to if anyone asks if you need anything. You can say, “I’m good, but thanks for asking!” (Hint: This also helps you monitor your fluid intake!)

You can volunteer to be a designated driver ahead of time and set the expectation for yourself around safety.

Most importantly, simply saying, “No thank you” when offered a drink is an answer enough. You don’t need to explain yourself, your intentions, or your reasons to anyone.

If you’re struggling with alcohol addiction or other concerns, bring this up with your provider, who can recommend resources for you to get help.

#4 Keep Your Appointments!

            If it’s been a while since your last checkup, maybe it’s time to get in and see your doctor. They can advise you on how to stay healthy during flu season and check in on how things have been for you health-wise since the last visit.     

            The holidays are also a time where you may skip out on a therapy session due to your busy schedule. Keeping your therapy appointments also helps you to reaffirm boundaries, check in on your mental health, and problem-solve any areas that may feel overwhelming at the moment.

#5 Find Ways to Access to Nature and the Outdoors

            Since the weather can be less-than-ideal in some places during the holidays, it’s easy to hibernate in the coziness inside for weeks on end. It’s still just as important to find access to nature when winter hits as ever! Studies have repeatedly shown the benefits of connecting with nature and the positive impact it has on our physical, emotional, and mental health.

I discussed the benefits of connecting with nature in my recent blog post on Ecotherapy. You can check it out here!

Even when the weather is junk, you can still access it in a number of ways that can feel fun and enjoyable during the holiday season. This includes:

Get outside and play in it! You can go ice skating, build a snowman, throw snowballs, go see festive holiday lights, and many more activities that almost makes you forget that the weather outside is frightful.

When it’s safe to do so, spend a few minutes walking outside. Just a few minutes of fresh air can do wonders for the body!

Look out the window. Whether at home or on a drive, put your screens and other distractions down and really take in the sights of the outdoors.

Get some indoor plants. You can access green space within your own home, while purifying the air. NASA (yes that NASA) completed a study identifying the best air purifying plants you can have indoors (BoredPanda.com, 2017).

Go to an aquarium and learn about different fish species.

Listen to audio, watch videos, or look at pictures of your favorite outdoor spaces.

Make a bird feeder and hang it near a window. You’ll get the opportunity to see living creatures when plants and other signs of life might not be as readily available.

#6 Do a Social Media Detox

When we talk about sticking to our diets, we naturally go to the food and drinks we are consuming. However, our diets are far more than that and include what we consume visually and auditorily. As tempting as it is to jump onto social media and see what your friends, co-workers, family, acquaintances, and celebrities are all doing during their holiday season, it might actually be more beneficial to turn off the apps and focus into what’s happening right in front of us.

Robinson & Smith (2021) report, “Human beings need face-to-face contact to be mentally healthy. Nothing reduces stress and boosts your mood faster or more effectively than eye-to-eye contact with someone who cares about you. The more you prioritize social media interaction over in-person relationships, the more you’re at risk for developing or exacerbating mood disorders such as anxiety and depression,” (Robinson & Smith, 2021).

When this occurs, we tend to have lower self-esteem and spend more time comparing ourselves to others in a way that’s unhealthy, unnecessary, and unhelpful. It takes away time where we can be spending with the people who really matter and add to our lives, as well as the time we spend being anything other than kind and compassionate to ourselves.

Does the idea of turning off your social media completely sound ridiculous?

Try unfollowing people, businesses, and products that impact your mood.

Set your phone to turn off apps after you have been on them for longer than the time you’ve allotted. For instance, you can set restrictions to turn the app off after you have been on it for an hour for a day.

 

Set timers for short periods of time (15, 30 minutes) and force yourself to get off social media once that alarm has gone off.

Delete the apps from your device so you don’t even have the temptation to get on.

Make a downtime routine at the end of each day where you give yourself an hour before bedtime to unwind without your device.

#7 Connect in Meaningful Ways to Those Near & Far

For those far away—

It’s hard missing out on all of your favorite meals, places, people, and spaces, especially during the holidays! That Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) can be intense, especially when it seems like you’re the only person who can’t make it.

You can connect with loved ones who are far away through phone calls and virtual video dates.  

Set up a computer or device in your home, put on a festive movie favorite, and watch it together.  

Create handwritten holiday letters and crafts to mail to loved ones. Have them send you some too!

Host a virtual game night.

For those near—

Put down your device and spend time being present in the moment.  

Spend time with those who fulfill you the most and limit time with those who drain your energy. 

Set boundaries.  

Take extra care of yourself before and after. Step outside and give yourself breaks as often as you need them.

#8 Make a Budget—And Stick to it.

It can be easy to get swept up in all of the holiday deals, gifts to buy, and feasts to prepare. Create a list of the available funds you have to spend on gifts, meals, and other festive items and carefully consider where your money can be best used.

Shop sales and shop early!

Make something homemade.

Give the gift of time—learn a new recipe together, watch a movie, play a game, make a craft, and decorate your space.

#9 Breathe

When we are in the height of stress, we can often feel like we are out of control. One of the best ways to manage our stress—anywhere and any time—is breathing!

One of my favorite techniques is known as “Box Breathing”. Box Breathing is also called “Square Breathing”, and “4x4 Breathing”. It has been used by the Navy SEALs and there is considerable research that suggests the positive benefits on the mind and body during stress.

The Cleveland Clinic (2021) found, “The biggest benefit of box breathing is relaxation, especially in times of stress. Studies show that regulating your breath can lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and maybe even help lower blood pressure,” (Cleveland Clinic, 2021).

To practice Box Breathing, follow the box below.

You can keep your eyes open or closed.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Ensure that you are breathing and counting slowly to let all of your breath in and out.

Repeat 4-5 times or until you can feel your body relax.

#10 Remember Your Why

As you reflect on the holiday season and all it means, remember why it’s so important to you in the first place. Giving yourself love and self-compassion will help you realize that you and your loved ones will have a much happier, stress-free holiday season!

Lana Lipe is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of Hoosier Mental Health, LLC. She is a private practice therapist in Indianapolis, Indiana who helps adult clients living with: chronic conditions, grief, loss, stress, trauma, anxiety, perfectionism, as well as gender identity & sexual orientation exploration.

Lana earned her Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Maryland School of Social Work in 2017.

She has over six years working in healthcare and non-profit settings to include: a skilled nursing facility and nursing home, a non-profit Chronic Kidney Disease agency, and 4 intensive care units (ICUs). During this time, Lana has worked with countless patients and their families as they navigate the challenges associated with critical illness, chronic illness, and end-of-life care. She has extensive training in crisis intervention, grief counseling, end-of-life planning, advocacy, intersectionality and health equity & trauma-informed care.

During her time as an ICU Social Worker in a level-one trauma hospital, Lana helped co-create a Critical Incident Stress Management team (CISM) that was implemented hospital-wide.

In addition to her work as a healthcare professional, Lana’s work has been published in The New Social Worker Magazine. She has been featured as a recurrent guest mental health expert on James Fabin’s Chronic Kidney Disease Channel—Dadvice TV. Her work has also been featured in numerous other online publications.

As of October 2021, Lana has completed training as a Certified Grief Educator with world-renowned grief expert, David Kessler.

To learn more about Lana and her work, please visit her website at Hoosier Mental Health.

Works Cited

Apa.org (2012). What Are The Benefits of Mindfulness? Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/education/ce/mindfulness-benefits.pdf.

BoredPanda.com (2017). NASA reveals a list of the best air-cleaning plants for your home. Retrieved from: https://www.boredpanda.com/best-air-filtering-houseplants-nasa/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Cleveland Clinic (2021). How box breathing can help you destress. Retrieved from: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/box-breathing-benefits/

Davita.com (2021). Alcohol and chronic kidney disease. Retrieved from: https://www.davita.com/diet-nutrition/articles/advice/alcohol-and-chronic-kidney-disease

Harvard Medical School (2019). The sweet danger of sugar. Retrieved from: https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/the-sweet-danger-of-sugar?fbclid=IwAR26txBd7b_Wqd9EBG7ELLVdkwUvXS58A59RkpWfEQviSEfZmsfdI2MmzBo

Minimalist Baker (n.d.) Vegan gluten free black bean brownies. Retrieved from: https://minimalistbaker.com/vegan-gluten-free-black-bean-brownies/?fbclid=IwAR0njEc_oOwj_BcFjMOs2Ewu6F6WZFCJIcIPYiOek3ztioYvGzs0fNUHoig

Otap, L. (2019). Feeling blue the day after drinking? Retrieved from: https://medium.com/mind-cafe/feeling-blue-the-day-after-drinking-ca4a48b8d92d

Pacheco, D. & Singh, A. (2020). Alcohol and sleep. Retrieved from: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/nutrition/alcohol-and-sleep?fbclid=IwAR1LEinGat1OI5Sai5JC_fPUhLmPNx5zw3NCzjrgs8pnc7MflC066ewHAR0

Ruhle, S. (2020). Holiday credit card bills rolling in? Here are 3 things you can do to pay them off. Retrieved from: https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/holiday-credit-card-bills-rolling-here-are-3-things-you-ncna1115316?fbclid=IwAR3ciwWmqOxjudWYn6dlT-Wd7pNWfwdLP1SkdZ2wjbdvt0o39dlRkuYqEpE

Sharp, E. (2020). Online isn’t real. Image. Retrieved from: https://www.instagram.com/p/CLhb_nwsLW6/